Why isn't 'Batgirl' a valid career choice?

So we've all heard the hype over Miss Simpson's third studio album.  Originally rumored to be titled "Color Outside the Lines" the new title, "Bittersweet World," reportedly came from something her boyfriend Pete Wentz yelled during sex.  While the public has already heard a sampling of tracks ("Murder," the first single "Outta My Head (Ay ya ya)" and the next single "Little Miss Obsessive"), they have yet to experience the true power of this album.



Perhaps it's a bit weird for Miss Simpson to have partnered with so many different artists on BW, but they all lend themselves well.  Not only does "Murder" feature a rap by Gym Class Heroes frontman Travis McCoy and "Little Miss Obsessive" features vocals by Tom Higgenson of the Plain White Tees, but there is also a host of, dare I say it, Wentz-ian guest stars.  Between a guest vocal appearence by Panic at the Disco lead singer Brendon Urie on the track "Pass the Hash Pipe (Dinner with my Family)," and an alarming guitar solo on "How I Spent My Summer Vacation (Doing the Guy You Want)" provided by Ryland Blackinton of Cobra Starship, it seems that Wentz has managed to make a mark on his girlfriend's music career.  Production by the likes of Timbaland and Patrick "tiny little sex god" Stump make the album pop like a bottle of champagne.  Cheap champagne.  Okay, medicocre priced champagne that you get blitzed on at your older sister's college graduation, but hey, it's not like you ASKED to be there!  Even better is a moment in "Boys" where Ashlee participates in a freestyle rap off with Adam T. Siska (credited as "Sisky Biz") from The Academy Is...

Perhaps the biggest shock was Wentz's voice appearing on the album.  During a break in "Follow You Wherever you Go" Wentz's signature scream interjects, spewing apparently complimentary things about Simpson, such as "if there's flowers in your halo I want honey forever" and "sometimes I stare at the sun until the dots in my eyes remind me of you."  Though Pete Wentz had reportedly announced he was NOT appearing on Ashlee's new album, it appears the doucheking himself has misled his fans again.  Way to go, Pete.

Overall, I give this album four out of five stars because Papa Joe didn't bribe me enough to give it five.

EDITED: I thought it went without saying, but this review is TOTALLY FAKE.  The only true things on here are the tracks we actually know about.  As an apology, I can only offer this video and the suggestion that Cobra Starship cover that particular song at one of their shows.

HOWEVER, if Ashlee and/or her people would like me to give the cd a real review?  I'd be more than happy to!
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