Why isn't 'Batgirl' a valid career choice?

But besides that, Meyer's projected morality on the books is obvious.  Sex hurts women, you don't do it until after you're married, it's scary bad-wrong and icky icky icky.

So does that extend to masturbation?

In other words, is Smeyer REALLY trying to convince me that someone who has been a 17 year old boy for over 100 years has really NEVER FLOGGED HIS DOLPHIN?  Edward has never beat his meat, shook hands with little Eddie, pet his ferret, played with his willie? 

COME ON.

I can suspend disbelief when it comes to vampires.  Unfortunely, as many young Twilight fans have shown me, I don't have to suspend disbelief when it comes to a woman being stupid and spineless enough to stay in an extremely emotionally abusive relationship just because he's OMG so hawt and says he loves you when it's all over. 

Am I hurting your soul, Stephers?  Want me to twist the knife deeper by saying that Bella is your blantant and poorly written Mary Sue and that your little scene where Bella hit Jacob and broke her hand was basically saying women shouldn't defend themselves from unwanted sexually advances because it'll hurt them more in the end?  What the fuck was Bella supposed to do, Steph?  Lie back and think of *dazzle?*

But anyway, I can suspend disbelief so far.  But I cannot truly believe that anyone, male or female, who is physically 17 for that long could really have gone 100 years without masturbating.

And Bella, I know you're not real, but here's a suggestion: buy a vibrator.  They make glittery ones.  It'll probably be better for you than your first time with Edward.  'Cause if he's gone that long, well, let me put it this way: you'll be humming Missy Elliot's "One Minute Man" for the next three weeks.