On Creepers, Pick Up Artists and 'Good Girls' - How Society Screws Us All

So, Chantal posted this blog about an experience she had with a guy at her college who was SUPER creepy towards her.  And I'm willing to bet a lot of other girls out there have similar stories about guys who didn't exactly come off as DANGEROUS, but were just flat out creepy and couldn't, or wouldn't, take a hint.

And see, this is a problem.  

Okay, maybe you don't think it's a problem, maybe you just think, hey, it's kind of an inconvenience, but what are you gonna do, right?  Well, see, that's not entirely TRUE.

At first it can just be "Oh my GOD, this guy is creepy, why won't he go away?"

Unfortunately, sometimes it can turn into stalking.  And then, sometimes, it can turn into violence.

Which is not sexy.  Even if the dude IS a vampire.

If he's smelling your hair, get an adult.

See, the problem is two-fold.  The first part of the problem is that many guys (Disclaimer: not saying "all guys," but there's a lot of them) are led to believe by society that they are entitled to attention, friendly, romantic or otherwise, from women.  That if you say and do the right things, women HAVE to pay attention to you.  IT'S IN THE RULES.

Except...um...no?  To all of that?  

Look, I know it kind of sucks, but sometimes a guy can be super nice, totally polite and friendly...but a girl just WON'T be interested in him.  There's really nothing you can do, and there's a number of things you absolutely SHOULDN'T do, like:

• Try REALLY REALLY HARD to convince her she needs to fall in love with you.
• Wait around convinced you're Mr. Right for her and someday she'll figure it out (this suggests you know what's better for her than she does...it's creepy and demeaning).
• Rant about how all women are phonies (or worse) who want assholes rather than "nice guys" like you (dude, if you're ONLY BEING NICE to get a girl to like you?  You're not a nice guy, you're a Nice Guy, and you don't WANT to be a Nice Guy).
• Stalk her.

Sometimes, this sort of crap will lead guys into Pick-Up Artist culture, which is an entirely NEW level of gross.  A few choice quotes from Pick-Up Artist Websites:

If a girl accuses you of using a line, especially right after your opener, she’s not going to f*ck you. It simply won’t happen, no matter how much you think you can recover. It’d be like trying to sell an SUV to an environmentalist. Chances are she came out to make men feel small and get free drinks, so therefore you must go over the top and put that bitch in her place.

Here’s what you to say:

“Well it got me laid last week with some sl*t. I don’t see why it shouldn’t work again.”

Enjoy the embarrassed look on her face as she stews in silence trying to think of a comeback. Then turn your back on her. She’ll think twice before saying that nonsense to another man.

...

Being cocky implies that you have confidence (or else why would you be cocky?). This gets most girls attention. The overall attitude you want to have is this:

“This girl is annoying. Too many guys have treated her like a princess. Time to show her that I’m not impressed by her.”

You’ll start saying things that DON’T seek her approval, and this in turn is how attraction is built. In effect you flirt by not flirting. She will wonder why you are not putting her on a pedestal like every other guy out there.

Uh-huh.

I don't care how smooth you think you are, TAKE OFF THAT STUPID ASS HAT.

See, here's the problem, Pick-Up Artist culture treats women like CONQUESTS rather than, you know, PEOPLE.  It's dehumanizing.  And THAT makes things even MORE dangerous, because of what it can lead people to do.

In August of 2009, George Sodini of Pittsburgh walked into an LA Fitness and shot three women before turning the gun on himself.  His blog revealed that he was extremely frustrated, saying things like "Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one."

Sodini had attended a "self-help" seminar run by a "dating expert" who claimed he could help men pick up women.  While not full-on Pick-Up Artist BS, this is still pretty gross.  One of his books?  How to Date Young Women: For Men Over 35.  Basically, it's more "You deserve to have whatever woman you want, and if she doesn't want you, she's a bitch."

Which, okay, this leads to a second part of the problem with creepers: girls get taught our whole lives to be "nice."  We get taught that we don't want to "act like a b*tch."  Which means we are SUPPOSED to give men our attention, because it's just NICER that way.  

We're trained, socially, to play right into the hands of creeps.  If we follow our first instinct and tell them "Go away and let me the f*ck alone?"  We're not protecting ourselves, we're not speaking our minds, we're horrible bitches who wouldn't give that potentially nice man a chance.

Remember girls, there is NO IN BETWEEN for us.  Nope.  None.  At all.

Of course, that potentially nice man could ALSO potentially be a creepy stalker, but we're not given that information. Stalkers aren't NICE, they are creepy men in bad clothing who go through our garbage.  Hot guys CAN'T be stalkers (except for how they can and sometimes are and, seriously, girls, it doesn't matter what he looks like, if he treats you like crap/property, he's crap).

So basically, here's the deal: 

Guys: treat women with RESPECT.  Talk to us like people.  Don't place all of your self-worth into whether you're dating or not, because that's just dumb.  I think girls get told that pretty often but for some reason we don't say it enough to guys.  Nobody, guy or girl, should define themselves entirely by the person they are or are not dating.  That's not fair to the person you are inside.

Girls: you don't have to pay attention to guys who you don't want to deal with.  This is why the iPod was invented.  Headphones are a life saver.  And yeah, be the girl who doesn't take them out just because some guy is talking to you.  Be the girl who tells a guy she's not interested, or to back off because he's bothering her.  Does it make you a bitch?  Doesn't matter.