Why isn't 'Batgirl' a valid career choice?

You are officially too hot, and I am minus a shoreline or swimming pool to enjoy.  Also?  I'm stuck at work in "office appropriate clothing" (note to self: you still need a job where no one gives a fuck if you wear jeans to the office).  So I console myself by looking at things I can't afford online.

Mostly that means the Roxy I-Pod speakers. And the duvet set I've been looking at for months.

But it also means the quilt I continue to drool over (because I pretty much know the Roxy bedding is not happening).  And that rug I mentioned that would go great with my couch and chair.  And awesome throw pillows.  I really, really hate having my taste on my shitty salary (I make under $20K a year when I'm basically employed as a personal assistant.  I need to talk to my boss about this.  I REALLY need to talk to my boss about this.  Or, as I mentioned above, FIND ANOTHER FUCKING JOB.)

No real point to this entry.  Mostly just my desire to fuck around on the Roxy and UO webpages.

Enjoy your Monday, folks.

(Please note, this entry makes reference to vibrators, cartoon nudity, and British people.  Proceed with caution.)

I meant to blog about this awhile ago but completely forgot!

Anyway, Jamie Hewlett, who you might remember as the artistic genius behind Tank Girl and The Gorillaz has done the artwork for, I shit you not, a collector's set of illustrated VIBRATORS.

Available at Jimmyjane.com (warning, this is a link to an online sex toy store, which is clean and professional looking, but still not really work safe in most situations.  Also, if the idea of highly sexualized cartoons bothers you, stop reading right here, I've posted pictures below) the set is reffered as the "Ultimate Member Collection" (OIC what they did thar!) and each individual toy will run you $275, but the entire set is bargain priced at $1,650.

Holy shit do I wish I had that kind of money for a vibator.

The artwork is definitely in Hewlett's trademark style.  Each of the six vibrators features a different character, complete with personality description and background information.  For example:


Major Maja Flink.  As the site puts it: "She's a cute assed cripple with a cause, after a near death vodka induced mile high pile up over Krakow left her crutch bound and callipered up to her hot little cold war crotch."

Or if you're looking for something a little more masculine on your battery operator boyfriend:

The Honorable Vane Sackful Smythe.  " He's the dandy, fondant fancy never short of underage arm candy." 

There are four others, two male and two female (this was the only female design I could post here without showing nipple, but there's nothing below the waist shown on any of the toys or their concept art).  But if you want one or more, hurry.  There's a limited edition of 1,500 sequentially numbered vibators being made.

And yes, I did just write an entire post about cartoon porn collector's vibrators.  My life is awesome.

Arad, the man behind the "Spider-Man" and "Fantastic Four" franchises, raised eyebrows in Hollywood when he switched gears from his comic book safety zone to produce the tween-empowerment movie inspired by the freakish dolls with enormous heads. In explaining the move, he insisted that Bratz are "X-Men for girls" — it's just that their superpowers are singing, fashion, soccer and cheerleading.

-from MTV.com

Well, Avi, this might explain why you've managed to ruin every superhero franchise you've signed on for.  The original "Spiderman" was awesome, but after that?  Well, you managed to get Pete Wentz screaming "Fuck Spiderman 3!" at concerts this summer, so there you go.  As for the "Fantastic Four" movies?  The fact that you got one sequel is still blowing my mind, if there's a threequel I'm preparing for the Apocalypse.  And let's not even approach "The Hulk," a superhero movie SO BAD they're already talking about remaking it to get the taste out of the public's mouth.

So maybe fashion dolls are where you belong.  But please PLEASE do not refer to them as "X-men for girls."  Because there's already an X-men for girls: THE ACTUAL X-MEN.

You are perpetuating the bullshit myth that girls do not enjoy comic books and superheroes.  Furthermore, this is SUCH a faulty simile it BURNS ME.  Look, asshole, the Bratz are not like the X-men unless one of them fires force beams from her eyes, one of them has retractable metal claws and a healing factor, one of them is a teleporter covered in blue fuzz and one of them splits their time between being omnipotent, evil, and DEAD.

(Obviously, in order: Cyclops, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Jean Grey)

See, I think I know what happened.  You saw the ads and hype for "Heroes" and got confused.  While they did use the line "Save the cheerleader, save the world," in reference to a super powered cheerleader, the cheerleader's powers had NOTHING TO DO with cheerleading.

She heals herself, numbnuts.

...okay, may not VALID per say, but if I had known I could really be a superhero?  I'd totally have done that instead of what I'm doing now.

Yes, there are real life superheroes, and I don't mean that in the metaphoric way.  You know "our mothers and fathers, policemen and women, fire fighters, those are our real heroes!"  Nope.  Real superheroes.

Don't believe me?  Check out oddee.com's list of 10 Real Life Superheroes.

I actually gotta salute Tothian in this.  I mean, he clearly paid attention while watching "The Incredibles!"

NO CAPES!

So, I figure, why not take the initiative?  Why don't I become a superheroine?  I could totally do it!  Check out my qualifications:

1) Blue Belt in Judo also trained but never ranked in Police Martial Arts and Kajukenbo
2) Innate intelligence and research skills
3) Unresolved daddy issues

I'm still a little iffy on how I should actually go about becoming a superheroine though.  A friend (friend?  Or SIDEKICK?!) (EDIT: I've been told I'm not allowed to call him my "sidekick."  Fine, he's the Oracle to my Black Canary.  $20 says he's going to object to that as well.) linked me to the World Superhero Registry.  And from what I can tell, what I need is a costume, a cause, and a heroic deed.

So what do you say?  Should newageamazon become New Age Amazon: sacred defender of...things?

Yeah, you're right.  I should probably spend more time watching awesome online fanfilms.  Like Robin's Big Date which features Sam "Zaphod Beeblebrox" Rockwell as Batman. 

Or the (very serious) trailer for Grayson, a film focusing on what becomes of the Boy Wonder following Batman's death.  Interesting note: wrestling fans may recognize the woman playing Selina Kyle as Kimberly Page, wife of "Diamond" Dallas Page. 

Or, my personal favorite, Fast Times at Hero High. 

So, after writing this entry, and then writing this entry, and then having a friend send this to me, I got to thinking.  So I made a poll!
But no matter what, nothing can possibly be worse than the Ultimate Warrior Christmas Comic.

Suggested online watching for you folks: the three episode Tomb Raider Re/Visioned series called "Keys to the Kingdom."  It can be found here in the "Re/Visioned" section. 

Why is this such a big deal?  Because "Keys to the Kingdom" was written and directed by Pete Chung.  Yes, Peter "Aeon Flux" Chung.

mini rant --> If you are only familiar with Aeon Flux via the shitty movie from a few years ago, I urge you to get your hands on the boxed set of the original animated series from MTV.  The only thing the movie had going for it was Jonny Lee Miller (who needs a new agent for fuck's sake).  The movie, other than completely deviating from the storyline of the series, completely failed to capture the amazing visual style that the animated series had. 

I will add a warning, however.  If you are not comfortable with watching something that you will only understand upon repeated viewings, or more than likely will not understand at all, then the animated Aeon Flux is not for you.  It is head-trippy, you will sit there at the end of the episode wondering what the fuck you just saw.  This is especially true for the next to last episode of the series.  But it's totally worth it in my opinion.  <-- end mini rant

"Keys to the Kingdom" is a trademark Chung piece visually and plotwise.  Just watch it.  Please.

I'm actually really happy to see the Tomb Raider salutes going on over at gametap in general.  Lara Croft is a heroine of mine (yes, I know she's not real, fuck off).  I actually almost majored in archeology in college due to my love of Tomb Raider, but was dissuaded by my father ("Ashly, you will earn your degree, start playing Lara Croft and never write again.  Don't do it.").  And some day I hope there will be a Tomb Raider movie.

mini rant --> I do in fact have a sick love for the first Tomb Raider movie.  I couldn't sit through the second one, though.

But as much as I loved the first one, it WASN'T a Tomb Raider movie.  It was called Tomb Raider, there was a Lara Croft involved, there were several tombs raided, however since the movie had nothing to do with the actual game, I will not call it a "Tomb Raider" movie.  The movie Lara Croft was a completely different character from the game Lara Croft, they had totally different backgrounds and motivations.  Some day I would like Hollywood to deliver to me a Tomb Raider movie as well as Christian Bale wearing nothing but a big red bow around his waist. 

I will not be holding my breath in anticipation of either.  <-- end mini rant.

So go!  Watch!  Be amazed!  Or don't.  Whatever.

Let's get this out of the way first:

I believe in ghosts.

Judge me if you must.  But the truth is, I believe in ghosts in some form or another.  Either as a psychic manifestation or imprint or as a trapped soul, whatever.  Doesn't matter.  What matters is that I not only believe in ghosts, I believe I've had a run in with one.

My "Ghost" story

(by this I mean: I am still unsure whether or not I had an encounter with something supernatural or if this was the result of a series of strange coincidences and an overactive imagination. I am of the opinion that either is equally likely.)

When I was in high school I used to attend this theatre camp every summer. Just one week at a local college campus. But it was awesome and the classes were great and they'd let us play around in the theatre arts department and I got to fucking play with STAGE MAKE-UP (is my Ryan Ross showing? I think my Ryan Ross is showing.)

Anyway, the last year I went, there was a huge power outage in the dorms we were staying in. They had to move us to another section of campus for the night (nicer rooms!). But because of this, we didn't get to these new rooms until about 2AM and I was basically sleepwalking through the next day.

So, because this was a combined arts camp, we had these concerts at the end of every day. That day it was a really great and mellow jazz group. I like jazz, but like I said, it was mellow and I was tired and I started falling asleep. I was sitting in the middle of the music hall as this happened, with nobody for three seats to the right or left of me.

That was why I was a little surprised when I saw the girl sitting next to me. Which was made worse by the blood spilling from her wrists.

Now, to my credit, I was skeptical enough to assume I was imagining things and just kinda went with it. I humored myself since I was half asleep and started asking her questions in my mind, sort of making up a story for her (I thought). When the concert was over I told my friends about this. They asked if I got her name and I told them it was "Jenny."

After that, there were certain rooms I'd go into on campus where I would be FREEZING. Like, everyone else would be perfectly fine but my teeth would be chattering. And I started seeing weird shit. But once again, I assumed this was all just me making stuff up (though I did start sleeping with a huge chunk of amethyst by my bed, just in case).

The last day of camp, I shot some video footage in the rooms that I'd get cold in. About an hour later, I was laying on a table, my bag was on another table with nobody beside it. Suddenly, my bag FLIES off the table. I pulled out my camera and rewatched the footage from the cold rooms. It looked like there was some weird shadows, but the screen was too small for me to tell.

A week later I tried to watch that footage on my TV at home. It was RUINED. Completely unwatchable.

I wrote this off and never told anyone in my family about it because they'd think I was nuts.

About a year or so later, my brother and I were talking about hauntings in the area. My father, who worked at the college the camp was at, was listening in.

My brother says "Well, how about the ghost of the girl who slit her wrists that hangs around the Pitt Johnstown campus?"

I did a double take. My father looked at me and said "You didn't know about that?"

There's no real point to this entry.  Well, other than one more thing:

Yesterday I talked about Jewish mysticism.  Today I'm talking about comic books.

I am not like other girls.

Aaaaanyway, in  my continued effort to catch up on comic reading for the past few years, I picked up and read "Batgirl: Year One."




And I really didn't like it.

It took me awhile to figure out what my problem was with it.  I mean, it was Barbara Gordon learning the ropes of being Batgirl.  She's petulant, stands up to Batman (and gets her ass kicked for it), has to deal with Robin pissing her off while having a pretty obvious crush on her (Babs and Dick kiss on motorcycles.  There is no part of this I don't like...except for the part where Dick's in the old school Robin outfit with NO PANTS), teams up with BLACK FUCKING CANARY and deals with keeping her identity a secret from Jim Gordon.

So why was it pissing me off?  It took me until the last page to figure it out.

Through the whole series, Barbara's internal monologue makes references to oracles and Cassandra.  This is, of course, a nod to the fact that eventually she's paralyzed, becomes The Oracle, and heads the Birds of Prey. 

However, the internal narration is supposedly taking place during the events of year one, which means she wouldn't have KNOWN about her eventual run in with the Joker and career changing injury.  So one or two references I could have dealt with.  Continuing references, however, beat me over the fucking head with it.  It's like, okay, I get it, that's what is going to happen to her, but she DOESN'T KNOW THAT!

Which got me to thinking: what if she HAD known?  What if Barbara had at some point developed clairvoyant abilities and had managed to figure out what The Joker was going to do to her and her father?

If she'd have known the Joker was going to show up, shoot her in the back and torture her father, Babs would have been ready for him when he showed up.  And you cannot tell me she wouldn't have ended up killing him.

Which means Bruce would have revoked her Batgirl privileges.   You don't use lethal force.  Ever.  And Bruce isn't real understanding about those things.

But Barbara did the right thing as far as she's concerned.  She saw what Joker was going to do to her and her father, what he could have done to others in the future, and she was totally justified in preventing it since Batman wouldn't.  So Barbara says screw being Batgirl and does become Oracle...but instead of being a wheelchair bound information dealer, this Oracle is seeking to stop the villains that Batman won't.  Bringing her and her former mentor into direct opposition of each other.

On top of this, if Babs was never paralyzed, the Birds of Prey were never founded, meaning that Helena, Dinah and Zinda were never a team.  So where does Helena go when the JLA kicks her out?  What does Dinah do after she and Ollie call things quits?  And Zinda's a total fish out of water without her girls to help her.

And the whole thing ends with a wheelchair bound Barbara Gordon in Arkham Asylum thinking "Some things are inevitable."

Sadly, folks, I do not write for DC.

Yet.

Sometimes we find strange coincidences in our lives.

For example: two hours ago I posted a blog about losing faith in humanity.

Now I'm forced to rethink that.

If you don't know, Joe Trohman has been posting pictures from his recent trip to Uganda with the rest of Fall Out Boy.  And the images he's been showing are impressive and humbling.

I wish I could say looking at them was going to change me.  Change the way I think about things, the way I live my life.  But I don't know that I can say that.  I can say that seeing those images of people making it through losing everything: their homes, their families, it makes me realize just how strong humanity can be.

If I lost my home and my parents I don't think I could survive the way the Ugandan people have.  To me their live is sad, but to them it would appear the point is that they are still alive.  And that's a humbling thought.  No matter how bad the circumstances of your life are, so long as you are alive and able to live to your fullest?  It's something.

The other strange coincidence is that yesterday I was speaking with a Jewish friend of mine about the nature of God and I started talking about how I view "God" sometimes:

Me: Look, the visual I tend to use:

For everyone who practices a faith that doesn't involve hurting others as part of its values, all the prayers, energy, magic, whatever, sort of gather in this shining star like mass.  It all flows to there and that's, for lack of a better word, God.

 

Him: tikun o'lam. jews have a term for that

there's a concept in judaism that in the act of creation god exploded, sending out tiny shards of light into all of the world. and that whenever you do a good deed (and the more anonymouse the deed, the better it is) that puts some of the light together again

He then linked me to this article on the concept. And then today, I see the images brought back by Joe and read the words Pete posted about his trip.  And it all kind of fits together in a strange way for me.  This trip wasn't a publicity stunt for those boys.  How could it have been when non-fans didn't even know about it?  It wasn't about pulling a Jolie and showing everyone how OMG HUMANITARIAN they are.  It was about doing something to better understand humanity in all it's incarnations.

Humanity is, most of the time, brutal, cruel and hateful.  I don't know if that's just the nature of our species or if it's what society has made us.  I think it's the former nuturing the latter, personally.  But the point is: sometimes we take time out and do something good and it's not just amazing, but if you look at it in certain ways it's fucking HOLY.  Even if it's not religious, it's holy.  This is even more important if you believe in imminent divinity, or that God is in everything, inlcuding yourself (this is one of the few Wiccan ideas I hold onto after deciding to simply identify myself as "spiritual").  You are helping God, you are doing God's work, and you are creating God all at the same time.

Wow.

Okay, psycho fangirls, let's try this again:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz ARE NOT ENGAGED.

And yes, you psycho bitches, that last one is FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH.  (Note: for those of you who are unfamiliar with phrases like that?  Not supposed to be an insult toward's Pete's teeth which I find charming.  Sorry, just feel the need to over explain things because obviously the idea of non sequitar is lost on you folks as well.  Found that out the hard way at FOBR.com )

Basically, "no i do not like green eggs and ham," is, as far as I'm concerned, his way of saying "No.  Duh.  Get a fucking life."

And yes, I did just write my second blog entry this week on the situation.  Obviously I have a need to get a life too.  I am aware of the hypocrisy of this situation.

*sigh*  Hy-poc-ri-sy.

You know Stan Lee, I used to like you.  I love your comics.  You've given me so much in the form of entertainment.

But honestly, Stan, THIS is the last straw.

It's not like Paris is the first Hollywood girl to get her own comic.  I mean, Avril Lavigne has her own manga.  So does Courtney Love.  And hell, back in the day the Backstreet Boys had their own comic/online flash series done by Stan Lee himself.  Okay, great.

But Paris?  I mean, she doesn't even have a music career.  And I'm sorry, a "superheroine?"  What are her powers going to be exactly, the ability to melt people's heads with that nasty glare of hers?  And will her weakness be her terrible case of ADD?  DON'T PUT HER IN A CELL, SUPERVILLAINS, THAT WILL DESTROY HER WILL TO LIVE!

I'm just wondering what I have to do to get my own comic series.  Is there a line I have to get into?  Hell, I'd even be happy if I could find an artist willing to work with me on any of the comics I'm writing, I wouldn't even have to STAR in my comic.

Basically, I don't know that Paris reads on a level that will allow her to appreciate her own comics.  I mean, we're not exactly talking about Neil Gaiman writing them...

...okay, that's it.  When I get my comic series, I want writing by Neil Gaiman.  Or Joss Whedon.  Either way, I'm good with it.

HEAR THAT, GUYS?!

Once again, the "source" was full of bullshit.

But I still have to admit, the violent reactions to the rumor were nothing short of HORRIFYING.  Look, I don't get Ashlee and Pete either, okay?  But the funny thing is: I DON'T HAVE TO.  See, I'm not dating him, I'm not his friend, I don't see the intimate details of their relationship and so I HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.

As much as any of us might like to think we know who Pete Wentz is based on interviews, blogs and lyrics, we don't know him.  So making judgement calls along the lines of "if he marries Ashlee it will wreck his life," is ridiculous.

Even worse, the "if Pete gets married, Fall Out Boy will break up."  Interesting fact: guys in bands get married all the time and their bands don't break up.  Even better, sometimes bands break up because of reasons in NO WAY related to members getting married.  The point is, Fall Out Boy isn't going to last forever.  The band members even know this.  And for all of them there will be a life after Fall Out Boy (Pete's got a rapidly expanding business empire, Patrick's got production chops and a potential solo career, Andy's got Letterbomb Studios in the works, and Joe's got enough talent to get in on/start a new group). 

Also, shockingly, for all of US there will be life after Fall Out Boy.  If they break up it will not instantly cause all of their music to cease to exist.  It will not in some way invalidate anything they've done.  It just means we have to wait for the reunion tour.

So take a deep breath, relax and realize that life goes on.  Trust me, the sooner you learn lessons like this, the better.

FOOLS!  FOOLS ALL OF YOU!

Yes, I confess it!  *I* am the mysterious "source" who keeps leaking Pete and Ashlee rumors!  It's all me!  COME, KNEEL BEFORE THE AMAZON!

The secret?  All I need do is keep making the rumors better and better and watch you flail your arms and scream at each other over who's hot, who's not, who's a whore, and how lol jelluz everyone is!

My next leak?  THEY'RE CONVERTING TO SCIENTOLOGY!  Wait for it, it's gonna be huge!  Imagine!  Scientologists don't believe in anti-depressants!  I can hear the fangirls screaming now!  OMG ASHLEE'S RUINING HIM!  P3T3 DUN DO IT!  OMG SHE'S A H0R!

Remember, if it's in a blog?  It HAS to be true!

EDIT: THIS JUST IN: Sources report that Ashlee Simpson KILLS HARRY POTTER IN BOOK 7.  Pete watches in horror.

I somehow managed to alternate between waking and sleeping in two hour intervals.  I don't know why I was so fucking tired, but I'd lay down on my bed and the next thing I knew it was two hours later.

Yet somehow, I managed to get the following accomplished:

Got my cable installed (and then did a dance of great joy because I HAVE G4 AGAIN!)
Found a rug that matches my "living room" furniture (I live in a studio, so I don't HAVE a living room, but I do have an area that is sort of designated as a living room...you know what?  I'll post pictures at some point)
Finished my arm warmers (they turned out really cute)
Did the cast on and first 5 rows of my felted bag (K1FB increase on DPN's when you only cast on 8 stitches?  Hurts like BURNING.)
Bought my plane tickets for the trips in August (a week in Florida and then Labor Day weekend in Philly)
Went to the library and actually checked out honest to goodness BOOKS.  REALLY!

Not bad for a weekend of narcolepsy, huh?

In French that means "Don't put that there."

And thanks to Warren Ellis's blog I find myself wanting to scream it.

Because that blog links to this.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN PIERCE IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU NECESSARILY SHOULD!

I mean, yeah once again, personal choice but HOLY SHIT WHY?

The piercer says in their livejournal that "My body modifications are powerful symbols of the ownership and control I have over my body."  Which is something I can totally identify with.  But at the same time I cannot comprehend wanting to do this to yourself.  Not saying it is wrong (or maybe I am in a way saying that, but mostly because for me it WOULD be and while you say you can walk a mile in another person's shoes I know from experience that sometimes you walk half a block and give up because of blisters).  But this is a difficult idea to wrap my head around.

I know, I don't HAVE to wrap my head around it.  It's not my body.  But the idea has been put out there on the interwebs and once again I feel my brain breaking.

There's only one thing I can do now:

Though I'm sure anyone who cares has already seen it.

From Fall Out Boy Rock:

Because the last thing this world needs is another case of unnecessary rhinoplasty.

Pete, can we talk for a second?  No, I know we can't really, but this is my rant and you're never going to read this fucking blog anyway.

You don't need a nose job.  Ashlee didn't even need a nose job.  There is nothing wrong with your nose.

I suspect this "source" may be about as close to you two as the one who claimed you were collaborating on Ashlee's new album.  But at the same time, I'm going to treat this as truth for a moment.  In order to make a few points.

Look, I am of the opinion that plastic surgery is a personal choice and if you're going to do it, do it and don't be ashamed to admit to it (MUCH LIKE DRINKING.  For the record.  If, for example, you had decided to no longer be straight edge and wanted to drink alcohol once in awhile there's no problem with that, but there is a problem with hiding your drinking and playing lip service to a lifestyle some people, including a badass vegan drummer, truly believe in all because it's good publicity.  Also, hiding your drinking can be a sign of problems.  I'm just sayin' is all.).  If people have issues with that, fuck them.  You made the choice, it's your body, and that's what's important.

HOWEVER.

In my personal, humble, and kinda fangirlish opinion?  You have a cute nose.  Then again, I generally think you have a cute everything.  Except for some of your tattoos which I find questionable, but I was raised with a "No cartoon character tattoos" rule.  My father is awesome, even if he does believe our planet was colonized by aliens who genetically engineered us.

Ashlee?  Not your biggest fan.  Not in the slightest.  But you didn't need a nose job, either.  And please consider going brunette again, or at least keeping your hair a little shorter.  You look sassier that way, and I like to believe you're kind of sassy.

The point is that I can't tell people not to do something and expect them to listen.  It's all about personal choice.  And hell, if I had the money I'd probably have the fat suctioned off my ass and thighs after about .25 seconds of consideration.  But it's easier to see all the faults and flaws in yourself than it is to see them in other people a lot of the time.

So I think you're both beautiful.  No matter what they say.  Words can't bring you down.

...are looking up!

I guess.  As up as they can be.

It's been fucking HOT the past few days, like there's a storm ready to break but it just won't fucking happen.  I refuse to put in my air conditioner, since A it runs up my electric bill and B I get fucking sick in air conditioning.  No shit, it makes me sick to the stomach.  Much more than heat does, anyway.  It would be much easier if I could install some sort of waterfall/grotto thing in the corner of my apartment.  That would be both awesome and SEXY.  Well, sexy if anyone but me was in there.  I guess.  Look, the point is, I want and deserve a waterfall in the living room area of my efficency.

Note to self: Set up tabletop fountain somewhere.  I don't know where and I don't care where, stop asking me these things.  Figure it out for yourself for once for fuck's sake.

Mmmmmm...sake.  Sushi.  Stupid need to pay bills keeping me from fish, rice and seaweed delights.

If it wouldn't kill the entire planet, I kinda wish the ice caps would melt so that Pittsburgh could have ocean front property.  But with my luck the flood wouldn't reach quite far enough inland.  And you really can't swim in any of our rivers because of years of steel industry.  THANKS A LOT, ANDREW CARNEGIE.  Your museum does not excuse your asshole tendencies, even if we do have a great collection of French impressionism.  (Yes, some great Monet, but I'm a Degas girl myself.  The man did controversial art!  He painted ballerinas!  Which was controversial because at the time most ballerinas also worked as prostitutes to support themselves.  Or so my high school French teacher told me and she was fucking awesome, so I'll believe her.)

I think tonight calls for Blue Crush.  Because I said so.

EDIT: Tonight totally calls for Blue Crush.  I just found out I got a (non-paying) editing position for an online music magazine.

...and now I wake to find the world worships plastic.

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this.  What the hell happened?  I can't leave you people in charge for five minutes, can I?  Now you've fucked it up and how the hell am I supposed to clean up this mess?

Getting set off by something stupid.

Crying.

Putting on bad make up and then washing it off.

Calling a crisis hotline because I was feeling suicidal.

Setting up for a pre-screen for counseling.

Why do I have this feeling they're going to be upping my medication at some point soon?

My Supergirl baby tee from my freshman year of college almost fits again (it was part of my Punk Supergirl Halloween costume that year.  I also wore red fishnets, a denim miniskirt, combat boots and a red cape with the Supergirl S done in Safety pins.  I also did red and blue streaks in my hair).  It's just a little bit too tight.

This makes me happier than you will ever realize.

    Why the hell I have taken to embedding No Doubt videos here.

Mostly it's because I can.

But also it's because I want to share videos of girls who kick ass, and Gwen is most definitely one of those.  Even if I haven't been real wild about the direction of her music since she went solo ("Wind it Up" nearly killed me dead) I love the fact that she's just fucking GWEN. 

The recent Spice Girls reunion has left me wanting to rant about the lack of women in music who kick some serious ass.  Maybe it's just me being a cranky 24-year-old (GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU CRAZY DAMN KIDS!) but today's pop stars just don't seem to excude the same, excuse my use of the phrase, Girl Power that girl groups in my day did.  Yeah, sure, we had to put up with the rise of Britney, but we had Gwen fronting No Doubt, we had Destiny's Child back when they were putting out songs like "Independent Women" and "Survivor" and we had Pink.  PINK!

I hate to think I don't see this in girls like Avril or whoever else is out there these days just because I've gotten old.  It might just be a case of "It was better in my day."  But when I see the non-ironic hero worship of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie I want to scream.  I want my bad ass pop stars, I want my gun blazing movie heroines, I want Buffy before the shitty rape storyline.  I want Daria on DVD.  I want no shame for the tomboys, I want Brandi Chastain's World Cup celebration. 

Maybe I want too much.