Why isn't 'Batgirl' a valid career choice?

To: All Buzznet Members
From: Watcher's Council Headquarters, London, England

Good day.

It is with a heavy heart I write these words to you.  For as you may or may not know, the Watcher's Council was nearly decimated several years ago during an explosion at council headquarters.

We have done our best to rebuild, and as the new "public relations" arm of the council, it is my pleasure, nay my privilege, to reach out in order to educate you in the matters of all things vampire.  As that will not be possible to do in the time allotted, I will be forced to give you the council's brief primer.

ORIGIN OF VAMPIRES:




Almost every society on earth has some form of myth about blood drinking creatures.  There has always been an acknowledgment of power in blood, from ancient sacrifices to modern medicine.  Likewise, nearly every society has had some sort of myth or legend about the living dead.

Many believe this can be attributed to the lack of medical science in those days.  When people grew ill and drifted into comas they were often indistinguishable from the dead.  Occasionally, people were buried alive.  If they were to wake up in their grave and cry out, they would be heard.  When the graves were exhumed, the body would be found moved, from the person's struggles, and blood could often be found on the body due to attempts to escape a coffin. 

People assumed that, rather than the person having never been dead at all, the person had come back from the dead and attacked (hence the blood).  This is why it became common practice to drive a stake through a supposed vampire's heart, in order to pin them in the coffin so they could not escape.  It was also customary to sever the supposed vampire's head, to be sure they remained dead this time.

Folklore holds that there were many methods of detecting vampires.  Aversion to sunlight and holy symbols aside, there was also the belief that a vampire could not cross running water and could not enter a home unless it was invited.  Also, the idea that vampires were obsessed with counting.  If you were to throw, say, seeds at a vampire, it could not come after you until it had counted all of them.  Many people actually believed planting sunflowers outside of their homes would protect them from vampires, as the vampire would be distracted by counting the seeds.  Possibly the strangest method of detection involved having a virgin on a white horse ride through a graveyard.  If the horse refused to step on a grave, the person buried within that grave was a vampire.

Thankfully, science has brought us further. 

ROMANTIC VAMPIRES




While Dracula may be the most recognized literary vampire, the romanticized vampire actually dates back to John Polidori and his story The Vampyre.  The story, long attributed to Lord Byron (Polidori was his personal physician and in fact based the vampire on Byron), was one of the first to change the vampire from a drooling corpse into a well mannered man of society.

Polidori's work would later influence Bram Stoker in his writing of Dracula,  as would another gothic novella, Carmilla.  This work, based on a female vampire who fed on young women, pre-dates Dracula.  It is also a prime example of the dichotomy of male versus female vampires, but we will get to that later.  

Perhaps the greatest influence in modern day vampire writing is Anne Rice and her Vampire Chronicles.  These books, while intriguing, are of varying quality and I really do not suggest any following the original trilogy (Interview with the Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, The Queen of the Damned).  Also, while the film version of Interview is intriguing, if incorrect, the cinematic disaster of Queen of the Damned should be avoided at all costs, if only for the sake of your sanity.

MALE VERSUS FEMALE VAMPIRES




This topic pertains more towards classic works, as in modern writing and film the stereotypes are being destroyed.

Classically, the male vampire has exuded power and control.  He has great strength, a commanding presence, as well as a sexual draw.  However, he is in control of his sexuality.  Also, there is the idea that male vampires have a certain homosexual or bisexual subtext.  This will be explained further on.

Female vampires, on the other hand, are normally high sexualized beings, occasionally overrun with insatiable lust.  They may have great strength, but far more important is their sensual allure.  They do not seek power, only to satiate their thirst.

This all makes sense, of course, when you consider what vampirism is, in it's simplest form:

Penetration.

Fangs penetrating skin.  In the world of vampires, it means males can penetrate females or males (giving it the subtext I mentioned).  However, it also means that FEMALES CAN PENETRATE MALES.

Up until the relatively recent sexual freedom awarded to women, the idea of a woman penetrating and therefore BEING IN CONTROL of a sexual situation would have been both horrifying and scandalous.  Women are, traditionally, the repressed and submissive gender.  For a woman to be able to physically penetrate a man would have terrified most conservative parts of society.  Hell, even in MODERN society the idea would probably disturb a good number of people. 

Of course, women being the "weaker" sex, physically and morally (and I roll my eyes), they would be overcome by sexual power, needing it.  A woman who was not only in touch with her sexuality, knew that she had a need and wanted it, would be a scandal.  Remember, much of the vampire mythos became popular during a time when women were taught to revile sex, to "lay back and think of England" in beds with their husbands.  Sex for women was only for procreation, never for pleasure.

This was the ideology, at least.  It does not mean that it always played out that way.

Vampires are, really, all about sex. 

VAMPIRES:

Will never hurt you >:)

So the final score for this EPIC battle, after just under 450 votes, is:



VAMPIRES TAKE IT ALL!

Stay tuned for a special post later today, celebrating all things vampire!

Except Twilight. If you don't know why, I suggest you check out THIS post.

Today is your LAST CHANCE to vote in the Fangs vrs. Fur poll!  Can team Werewolf pull out a come from behind victory?  Or will team Vampire triumph? 

On that note, I don't know if you've heard, but there's going to be a third Underworld movie.  However, Kate Beckinsale will NOT be back for it.  It's actually going to be a prequel, which was long suspected (there were always rumors about a prequel to explore the beginnings of the vampire vrs werewolves situation).  However, I seriously DOUBT the "straight to video" line, as you figure the third movie in that trilogy would at least make SOME money.




And you know what I have always wanted?  A werewolf movie starring Vin Diesel.  Seriously.  I think it's his voice that makes me want it so badly.  That sort of growling thing.  Plus, the motherfucker is RIPPED.  And he's apparently a closet nerd, too, so I'd like to see him back a werewolf project. 



Okay, while we're on the subject: a few months ago I was working on an idea for a horror movie that will never be made.  Ever.  But that didn't stop me from dreaming up a plot line and some other bits and pieces and a dream cast for it.

Basically, the movie is about a group of former soldiers who have been dismissed from action after a failed War Games scenario.  They are later kidnapped and forced into a blockaded ghost town...which is actually full of former soldiers who are now extremely sensitive to light and require human blood to survive.

The troop is told that they were part of an experiment involving a viral strain.  They were supposed to be the control group, the one that fell prey to the virus, however they ended up being the only group IMMUNE to the virus and must be sent in to stop the "vampires."

My dream cast:

"Sarge": The group's leader, infamous for her tendency to disobey orders to protect the lives of her team, played by Demi Moore:

I wanted an older actress with a history of getting buff for film roles.  Demi's part in G.I. Jane sealed it.

"Shooter": The wise-cracking sniper who's an expert with every kind of firearm, played by Ryan Reynolds:

...need I say more?

"Buff": The often sarcastic bad ass, trained in multiple forms of hand to hand combat, played by Michelle Rodriguez:

This is me, fangirling shamelessly. 

"Doc": the team's soulful medical expert, played by Milo Ventimiglia:

...yeah, still fangirling.

"Fangs": The leader of the vampire gang that's taken over the city, a former soldier in her own right, now driven crazy by betrayal, played by Zhang Ziyi:

Awesome fight scenes?  Awwww, HELL YEAH!

There's more roles, obviously, but those are the ones I'd cast.  The movie would be absolutely terrible, total stupid action fodder, panned by critics.  The casting I want would be expensive and ridiculous.

But a girl can dream, can't she?

CAN'T SHE?

PLEASE?

...I'll be your best friend :(

Every year I end up having some sort of birthday related anxiety.

It usually starts somewhere around September 20th and lasts up until November 9th.  It varies from year to year, but mostly it involves the following:

• extreme feelings of deja-vu
• depression mostly centered around having not done what I "should" have done with my life to this point
• extreme body image issues
• alcohol, alcohol, alcohol
• in recent years: extreme rage against my ex...more so than normal
  

But this year, oh this year I thought I had escaped it!  I thought FINALLY I would have a year where I could feel good about myself.  No restless nights, no crying jags, no comparing myself to everyone else.

And then Friday night happened. 

I don't know what triggered it.  I really don't.  But all of a sudden I got freaked and had the weekend from hell.  It culminated in a mid-Sunday crying session where I continually wondered where the fuck my happily ever after was.  It occurred to me that every fairy tale, every chick flick, everything that promised me I could find someone to love me was full of shit.  My happily ever after apparently involved abuse and dishonesty.

What's scarier is the idea that I didn't choose "happily ever after."  That I didn't take the road where I could have been with my prince (who was a loser.  Total loser).  I took the road where I'm ultimately lonely at the end, even if I'm successful and strong.  And I don't know if I can deal with that.

I know, I know, I'm all about the girl power.  And not needing a man.  Doesn't mean I don't WANT someone to wake up to in the morning.  Doesn't mean I don't look back and wonder what could have been if I'd done something differently.  If I'd stayed the course, I'd be married with at least one kid and I'm pretty sure I never would have found this place.  But having not stayed the course, I'm lonely and emotionally broken.  I don't know which is worse.

I'm not afraid of getting older.  25 greets me with good intentions and the probability of a new tattoo on my hip.  I'm happy to face another year because I know that I've GROWN UP in a lot of ways, I've grown more towards the girl I want to be.  I'm just afraid the girl I want to be is always the one locked inside the heart shaped box, wanting to get out but unable to breathe.

With only 5 (five/cinc/cinco/dasot) days left to vote, the total stands at:

80% vampires
20% werewolves

...do I really even need to say anything?


Remember, voting ends TUESDAY so I can prepare the winner's blog for WEDNESDAY.  Then THURSDAY I will begin secluding myself in order to write another "genius" 50,000 word novel by November 30th.  I will be updating my blog regularly with strings of profanity related to how my plot is going nowhere and I'm stuck on a word choice.  JOIN ME!  IT WILL BE FUN!  I PROMISE!

Aaaaaanyway, as this week came down to the wire I tried to give you a Halloween blog every day.  It failed.  Buuut, I did provide some content for you folks!  Really!

I gave you my favorite Halloween recipes, which I will sadly not be making at all this year due to budget constraints :(.  Be sure to make one or both of them and gorge yourself in my place.

My Gabe Saporta vrs. Lamia post was featured on Tuesday, the same day as the release of Cobra Starship's new album Viva La Cobra.  Which is an amazing album and I suggest you get your hands on it RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.  And if you haven't seen the video for Guilty Pleasure yet, you live a sad and meaningless life.

I got a raise.  This has nothing to do with Halloween, but still.  MAN, I GOT A FUCKING RAISE.

Yesterday there was A Brief History of Dracula.  I'm sure I'll be using more information from my Vampire Blood and Empire class when I write the winning blog entry for the vampires on Wednesday.  Because the WEREWOLVES DROPPED THE BALL!

I'd like to take this chance to thank everybody who has read, participated, voted, buzzed and friended and/or favorited me in the year I've been on buzznet.  Thanks to you folks, I'm now a featured member on the site.  It's really awesome to know that I'm keeping you entertained and maybe a little informed.  I started this blog as a way to rant about things I couldn't keep in other journals and also as a way to keep updated on Pete Wentz's adventures in camwhoring, but it's turned into something else entirely.  It's played a huge part in me getting back in the direction of the girl I want to be someday.

Thank you guys again.

So...Dracula.

Everybody knows the name, even if they've never seen a Dracula movie or read the actual novel, they know of the Count and his...unique diet.  But, you may ask, wasn't he a real person?  Didn't Bram Stoker base him on a real life ruler?  Is it true you're just writing this to distract yourself from your lost wallet?

I will answer all these questions and more, for this, my friends is:



VLAD TEPES/VLAD III THE IMPALER/VLAD DRACULA




The historic ruler who served as the basis for the infamous vampire was actually a Romanian King from the 15th century.  His rule came during a turbulant time, when the Roman Catholic and Ottoman Empires were both feuding over his kingdom.  Vlad remained neutral to both, deciding to do what was best for his people.

While his history is one of a cruel ruler to the outside world, in many areas in Romania there is still call for a ruler  like Vlad again.  He was a champion of the common man against the boyars and was absolutely insistent on honesty according to the oral traditions.  Imagine, an honest politician who champions the common man as opposed to the bureaucracy...

...yeah, okay, I'd vote for that.

Even more intriguing is that upon excavation of his supposed burial site, no human remains were found.


BRAM STOKER

An Irish writer who did work in the theatre as well.  He struck success when he wrote Dracula. 

He actually married Oscar Wilde's former suitor, and was good friends with Henry Irving who ran the Lyceum theatre at the time.  Stoker was apparently somewhat in awe of Irving, and held the post of business manager at the Lyceum for 27 years.

Vampires in fiction were nothing new, but Stoker's writing struck a cord with the audience at the time, especially because of several of the themes found running through the novel.  The fear of invasion from outside forces and pollution of good British blood is one of the major ones (the victims Dracula makes into vampires are overwhelmingly female, a metaphor for British women marrying foreign men), along with the idea of the "dangers" of the sexual female (there is a great deal of sexual subtext in the character of Lucy.  Once she becomes a vampire she does not give birth to children as was expected of a woman, but rather feeds on them almost exclusively). 

Stoker died in 1912, but the legacy of his work lives on.

DRACULA IN FILM

The first Dracula film, Nosferatu, was actually produced while Florence Stoker was still alive.  As executor of her husband's will, Florence sued the studio that made the movie, resulting in many prints having names changed (Dracula became Count Orlock most famously).

The film was an example of German expressionism and changed many of the events and ideas of the novel.  Clips of the film are still used quite commonly, most notably the count entering Mina's room and his shadow following her up the stairs.

The next infamous Dracula film would be in the 1930's starring Bela Lugosi. 




Bela did not in fact speak English and learned his lines phonetically.  This limited his exposure to American audiences outside of his Dracula role.  But he seemed comfortable with that, he portrayed Dracula several times and was buried in his Dracula costume.

Later, the British Hammer Films company made several Dracula films starting in 1958.  Christopher Lee portrayed the Count in most of them. 

In 1979 another Dracula movie was made, starring Frank Langella.  This Dracula COMPLETELY altered the events of the novel, even switching Lucy and Mina's roles and rewriting many unrelated characters as relatives.  This movie was the first of the Dracula's to have a somewhat feminist edge to it, a 180 from the misogynist source material.

Most famously for this generation is probably 1992's Bram Stoker's Dracula, directed by Frances Ford Coppola.  The movie claimed to be a "shot for shot recreation of Stoker's novel."  While it does stay more true to the story than previous works, it does add in the plot line of Dracula being the actual historical Vlad Tepes, and Mina being the reincarnation of his lost wife.  This movie also takes the Dracula-as-Jesus symbolism almost too far at times.




We won't talk about Dracula 2000...we just won't.

So, this has been a really too short overview of Dracula.  But I warned you it would be brief.  So, I urge you, go out and listen to them, the children of the night!  What music they make!

Most of this information is taken from my Vampire: Blood and Empire class in college.  That's right, 3 credits for talking about vampires twice a week.  College rules.

$10 an hour, bitches!

Bree did her top 25 No Doubt songs.  I do not have a top 25...I have a top 10.  And one I can't stand.  And I'm shamelessly ripping her off!

10. Tragic Kingdom
9. Hey Baby (I can't help it.  I don't think you can listen to that song and stay in a bad mood.)
8. Sunday Morning

7. Artificial Sweetner
6. New
5. Sixteen


4. Hella Good
3. Ex-Girlfriend
2. Don't Speak


1. Just a Girl

And the song I cannot stand...cannot even PRETEND to listen to:
Simple Kind of Life.

I have found myself singing altered lyrics to this song, making it about my exboyfriend trying to trap me in a life of "domestic bliss."

I just got denied my goddamned raise again.

So, I'm bad at people.

Like, bad at talking to them, bad at meeting them, bad at really saying anything to them.  When presented with a social situation where I do not know anyone, I tend to just keep looking around like a lost kitten until somebody says something.  Normally, that's "Are you lost, sweetheart?  'Cause I can help you find your way INTO MY PANTS!"

Did I mention my shit luck with meeting guys?

Anyway, this morning reached an all time(?) low.  My usually crowded bus was boarded by a young man in a black and grey argyle sweater...and a lip ring.

Okay, HI!

Except I didn't say "Hi."  He was wearing headphones and I fear rejection anyway.  So despite spending most of the ride with his messenger bag in my gut, I did not say one word.

"The time has come" the walrus said.  After all, haven't I been feeling bold and sassy today?  Did I not actually put on eyeliner?  Am I not wearing honest to God JEWELRY (earrings and a ring combined with my usual moonstone necklace)?  Am I not going to have to go through my yearly review today and HOPEFULLY be given a raise by my boss, because if not I don't know how the fuck I'm paying my cellphone bill next month?

Yes, dear readers.  It is time for me to resort...to CRAIGSLIST.

In the "missed connections, women for men" I have posted:



Will I hear anything back?  I'm betting no, but hey, who really knows in this crazy world of ours, right?  Besides, this is just the first of my adventures in attempting human contact again.

Hey, I'm more likely to be motivated to do things if I know I can later share my embarrassment with the internet!

Is this really even NECESSARY?

I promised you some of my favorite Halloween recipes this week, and I'm gonna give them to you now.  Never say I'm not good to you, folks.

TOASTED PUMPKIN SEEDS
A classic.  I know, it's weird to have an actual recipe for them, but this is the best method I've found for them!

• Pumpkin seeds
• 2 quarts water
• 1/2 cup salt or to taste
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 tablespoons dried rosemary (I usually make one batch with the rosemary and one without)

1. Rinse pumpkin seeds.
2. Boil water.  Add salt.
3. Pour seeds into boiling water and boil until they are soft (they should turn brownish-gray and many will slip to the bottom of the pot.
4. Drain the boiled seeds in a colander and pat them dry.
   
5. Put in a bowl with olive oil, salt and the rosemary (if you're using it.)  Mix lightly.
6. Preheat your oven to 360 degrees F
7. Spread the seeds on a large cookie sheet covered with a layer of aluminum foil.  Make sure seeds are in a single layer (no little piles).
8. Bake seeds in oven for 20 to 30 minutes.  If they turn brown you are overcooking them.  They should look white and dry.
9. When finished, use a spatula to slide the seeds off the foil and into a bowl.  Let them cool completely before eating!
   

WITCHES' BREW SPICED CIDER
Referred to by my friend as "The Best Apple Cider EVER."  I've made this for the past three or four years and it's become a standard Halloween through Christmas thing for me.  You can serve this as is, or add a little rum to each mug to taste, if you're into that sort of thing. 

• 1 gallon apple cider
• 1 orange
• 1 apple
• 3 cinnamon sticks (yes, sticks.  Ground cinnamon doesn't work as well)
• 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
  

1. Pour cider into a large kettle or pot.
2. Peel orange and squee its juice into cider, discarding the pulp.  Tear the peel into 1-inch strips and add to mixture.
3. Core apple and cut into 1/4-inch slices.  Add to mixture.
4. Break the cinnamon sticks in half and add to mixture.
5. Add nutmeg.
6. Warm over LOW HEAT for 2 hours.  DO NOT BRING TO A BOIL.  Stir often.
   

If you're looking for other "adult" drinkables, I'm going to suggest the wine from Vampire Vinyards.  The Vampire Merlot and Cabernet-Sauvignon are both fantastic.  Best part is, it's tasty and affordable wine!

Slow week!  But after 140 votes, the tally stands at:

81% Vampires
19% Werewolves

Dude, werewolves, are you even TRYING?

Sorry about the lack of anything interesting this week, folks!  Things got a little crazy when I came down with the goddamn T-Virus.  Dammit, Team Zombie, YOU WERE BANNED!  GET BACK TO VENEZUELA!




However, at least things stayed active elsewhere as my Angel vrs. Pete Wentz showdown was featured on the main page!  And that provided a number of votes and an all together unsurprising result.  There's going to be at least two more of those sorts of polls as well, both of which I'm pretty sure I know who will already win, but what the hell!

Gonna try and have a new gallery up for you folks today.  Plus, watch out next week when I TRY to make sure I have almost-daily features for you (planned so far: a brief history of Dracula, some of my absolute favorite Halloween recipes, including what I've been told is the best spiced cider ever...and it can be served with or without alcohol for equally tasty results!).

Oh!  And in case you didn't know, bulletproofheeb decided to abandon me in the middle of the excitement to run off and get married.  So while I'm trying to sort out the bloody war between werewolves and vampires, he's on his honeymoon.  And I hope he's having a damned good time, too :D

Speaking of Mr. BPH, he and I have plans for another interactive poll based funtime activity once he's back from vacationing with the new Mrs. Bulletproofheeb.  Keep your eyes out, it's going to be an ass kicking good time!

REMEMBER, VOTING ENDS ON OCTOBER 30TH SO I CAN HAVE THE WINNER'S ARTICLE UP ON THE 31ST!  TELL YOUR FRIENDS!  TELL YOUR ENEMIES!  TELL THAT FUNNY SMELLING GUY AT THE BUSSTOP THAT THINKS THE ALIENS ARE IN HIS BRAIN!

I pray to whatever deity chooses to listen that I never fully grow up.

I know, I know, Peter Pan complex and all that (although in my case it might be more of a Wendy Bird complex...), but honestly?  I have seen the best minds of my generation brought down by the social standards of "maturity" (sorry about that Ginsberg!).  And it really scares me that I might end up the same way some day.

This was brought up by recent issues with a friend of mine.  She's getting her first real person job soon, getting married in about a year, and is about to turn 25.  And so she has decided that her goal in life is to be the pinnacle of maturity.  Because getting married is an adult thing.

The problems started when I was lamenting being at a job that wouldn't let me put pink streaks in my hair.  I have for awhile wanted to do hot pink streaks in my hair, just BECAUSE.  And this friend made a comment about "Don't you think we're getting a little OLD for that sort of thing?"

...okay, that I kind of let slide because, hey, she's more J. Crew than Hot Topic ANYWAY.

But then, about a week ago, we were discussing plans for her bachelorette party and she mentions not wanting to get drunk because "We're getting too OLD for that sort of thing!"

Wait, wait, wait.  BACK THE FUCK UP.

I am 24...will be 25 in less than a month.  I refuse to believe that is "too old" to go out and get drunk with my friends.  Or to dye my hair strange colors.  Or to listen to bands that supposedly only "teenies" like.  I'm sorry I can't subscribe to a policy on life that has me sitting at home on Friday nights working on my trousseau and laughing gently at those foolish 21 year olds and their wacky plans for the weekend. 

I am a firm believer that age is not a number, it is a state of mind.  And I sort of pity anyone my age who's state of mind is that they are too OLD to have fun.  That they have to hurry up and grow up because that's what you're expected to do.  I'm not saying you have to want to go out and get drunk and party all the time, but I am saying that if you're physically 25 and mentally somewhere in your 60's?  You're missing out on a lot that life has to offer.

Or maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe she's doing things right and I'm completely off my mark.  All I know is that I'm happy with my life and I really hope she can say the same.

So, I've spent the past two days sick as hell.  Really, really fucking sick.  And I'm pretty sure I know why.

I've got the goddamn T-Virus.

Great, just fucking great.  I get to be a zombie.  I fucking HATE zombies.

Zombies for me are the scariest fucking things in the world because, once you become one?  There's no turning back.  It's a single mindedness, a herd mentality.  You move and attack mindlessly with the others of your kind.  I suppose for me, zombies are a metaphor for conformity.  Once you become one you can't go back and you don't even have the ability to WISH you could go back.  You're dead inside, everything that was you, purely you, is gone and now you just stumble along and gnaw on people's heads.

See, this is what I get for taking that public relations job with Umbrella, Inc.  Might as well turn in my security badge...


(made for me by the amazing bulletproofheeb)

Tell me who wins!

Mr. Way (or Gerard?  I don't know, I'm bad at this),

I am writing this as a fan of your music and someone who finds you to be inspiring.  Not just because of your dealing with your personal demons, but because of your belief that rock and roll should help people, make them feel good.  You want to save lives, and you make music that reflects that.

Which is why I am interested in your thoughts about the recent events surrounding a school in Cleveland.  No, more than that.  Your thoughts on all of the similar situations that have occurred for years and yet we always react with "How could this happen?"  In case you can't tell, I'm dancing around saying the words "school shootings."

Your band released a song called "Teenagers" which was a promise to your teenage fans that you wouldn't lose faith in them.  You wouldn't stop trying to help them and let them know that people out there understand them.  Further than that, you have made comments in interviews about wanting your concerts to be a safe space for all of your fans, a place where they feel welcome and understood.  One of your more famous quotes is "All you knew was that this music made you feel different from anyone you shared a locker with. Someone finally understood you. This is what music is about." 

So I would like to know what you believe we need to do, as a society, to help prevent these things.  I want to know where you think the blame should be placed, on the media, on parents, on an often underfunded school system that treats students less like individuals and more as numbers and test scores. 

More than that, what can WE do?  People who don't have your media pull, people who are just barely coming out of our own teenage years?  What can teenagers do for each other to make things work?  High schoolers are politically powerless, socially frowned upon, what can they do for themselves or for each other to prevent another horrible event?

I'm not writing this calling out to you as the Freak Messiah, but as a very rare creature: an adult in a position of relative power WHO STILL UNDERSTANDS what it is to be one of these kids.  Who wants to help. 

I doubt you will ever read this, but it is my batsignal to you.  I don't expect you to have the answers, I don't expect you to save the world.  But I do want your input, your views, because people like you are that fucking rare.  It seems that for most people, once they hit 22 they forget.  You've held onto this well past that. 

You save lives, how can the rest of us do the same?

Yours,
Ashly

So, this was messaged to me earlier today:

how guys fall in love with girls
1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo.
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.
3. How cute they look when they sleep.
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms.
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.
6. How cute they are when they eat.
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while.
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside.
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear.
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on this earth.
11. How cute they are when they argue.
12. The way her hand always finds yours.
13. The way they smile.
14. The way you feel when you see their name on your cell after you just had a big fight.
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" - even though you know that an hour later....
16. The way that they kiss after you have had a fight.
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you".
18. Actually...Just the way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry.
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt.
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt (even though we don't admit it).
23. The way they say "I miss you".
24. The way you miss them.
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore...

A friend assured me there was an equally insulting one for guys, which she shared with me:

A few reasons why girls like guys

1. The way they always wear their favorite cologne (which happens to be the one that you bought them for their birthday).
2. The way they run their hands through our hair.
3. The way that they look at you and you want to die right then and there.
4. The way that they casually put their arms around you.
5. The way that they kiss away your tears.
6. ...and the way that they then get mad at how they can't make your problem go away.
7. The way they show off around their friends, even though you both know that you would love them even if they missed a basket or two.
8. How their eyes light up at the result of 3 hours of preparing for your date.
9. How they always know just what to say to make you blush.
10. How they sometimes think that they know just what to say to make you feel better, even if you think that it is the worst thing that they could say.
11. The way they hold you close when you are cold.
12. How they look at you when your mad at them and all your anger melts away.
13. How they always smile when you are together.
14. The way that they always let you win any game that you play together.
15. ...and then when you point that out to them they pretend to not know what you are talking about.
16. The way that they smile at you.
17. The way that you feel when they call to apologize after you had a big fight.
18. The way that they say I love you.
19. The way that they'd rather die than say I love you in front of their friends.
20. The way that they touch and hold you so gently, like they are afraid that they will break you.
21. The way that they kiss you.
22. The way that they open their arms to you when you are crying.
23. The way that they never admit that you hurt them.
24. The way that they try not to cry when they are afraid that they are losing you.
25. The way that they think that they are your big protector, even though you think that you are theirs.
26. The way that they say I miss you, even though they hate to admit it.
27. The way that you miss everything about them when they are gone.
28. The way that they remember your special moments, or aniversaries when you think that they forgot.
29. The way that they apologize when they do forget.
30. The way that they comfort you when you have a bad day.
31. The way that you can't wait to get home and tell them all about your day.
32. The way that they write you love letters even if they think that it is uncool.
33. How they would rather be with you then their friends sometimes.
34. How you want to hug them even though they are all sweaty.

You know what?  Both of these lists piss me off.  Bullshit over generalization about gender stereotypes.  Guess what, when I hit people it hurts and I don't expect a man to change the world for me, I can change it myself.  And I've know plenty of guys that were more concerned with anniversary dates than their girlfriends, and who were MORE THAN WILLING to say "I love you" in front of their friends.

So here's my list:

HOW I FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH BULLSHIT GENDER STEREOTYPES:

1. Assuming girls always have to be the weak ones in relationships
2. Assuming guys can't or don't want to show their emotions
3. Assuming girls don't smell when they sweat, or that they don't sweat at all
4. Assuming guys don't actually feel comfortable competing with women and have to "let" them win
5. Assuming there are DIFFERENT reasons for guys and girls to love each other.  How about "people love each other because they have a connection, a similarity, something that draws them towards each other."
6. Being sent lists that make me realize that people still believe in all of those stereotypes and will do whatever they can to perpetuate them.
7. Seeing heteronormative lists like this.
8. Realizing there's really nobody who I can nailbat to solve this problem.
9. Realizing I'd be told nailbatting someone is unfeminine.
10. Realizing people might not realize what a nailbat is.  (Nails + bat = nailbat!)
11. Realizing I can make a journal post that won't change anything, but makes me feel a hell of a lot better.

Forward this to nobody.  Change your own world, folks.  Maybe it'll change mine a little, too.

After 88 response at the poll, the results are currently at:

81% Vampires
19% Werewolves

Dude, the werewolves just need to go hide in the corner for awhile.

This week, in keeping with my month long theme, I asked a question a lot of you cared about.  I even made a comparison chart!  There will be another one like this early next week featuring a fictional vampire and a real life band member.

I also asked a question that apparently NOBODY cares about.  Which is sad, because Zombie Apocalypses are one of the greatest threats facing our nation right now.  Stephen Colbert says so!



Many people were also upset by my comments regarding a certain book.  Sorry, folks, but when a book has an obnoxious heroine and a GLITTERING VAMPIRE, I'm done.  It's cool if you like it, but I honestly think that the Looking Glass Wars series by Frank Beddor is much stronger.   Though I do still have to read Seeing Redd.  Also, the Modern Tales of Faerie series by Holly Black, especially the second book, Valiant, is really great.  I just finished Ironside last week and am really happy with how the trilogy rounded out.

Anyway, some of my favorite comments from this week:

So, this week, we saw the re-introduction of Candice.  Only she's calling herself Michelle.  And now she's dead.

But she's given us a very imporant hint!  See, her name was obviously a reference to WWE Diva Candice Michelle!



What does this mean?  Well, obviously it's a clue to who's behind the killings!

VINCE MCMAHON!



And the Nightmare Man?  The one who can see into Molly's dreams?



THE UNDERTAKER!

It's all wrapped up in one neat little package, isn't it?  I predict this season's big twist will involve Claire hitting her father with a steel chair in an elaborate scheme that will be dropped halfway through the storyline due to a firing or low ratings.

IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEL-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA...what the Amazon...is cookin'

So you've watched every Halloween movie out there, have been playing "Thriller" on repeat since the end of September, already have every detail of your costume in place, but you're still not in the Halloween spirit?  Never fear, there is a forgotten art form that can help, my friends.

Books.

Yes, books.  Those things with the pages and the covers and the words.  They're awesome.  And I've got some suggested reading for all of you out there!

My Halloween Book Recs (and one that's only on here because I'll never heard the end of it if it's not)

If you want something classic:
Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe by Edgar Allen Poe (duh)


The father of the American Horror Story was a bit wordy, but managed to paint a picture of the macbre that still gives people shivers to this day.  His use of suspense and imagery remains gripping and terrifying to this day.  From classic poems like "The Raven" to short stories like "The Fall of the House of Usher" you're bound to find something that leaves you quaking in your boots.  My personal pick?  "Mask of the Red Death" which left me unable to sleep for about two nights after I first read it.

If you want some boy on boy action with your horror:
Lost Souls by Poppy Z Brite


I don't know if this is still as much a teenage goth stable book as it was when I was a teenage goth (yeah, yeah, it was a stage...) but this book has sex, violence, drugs, vampires and rock and roll.  Be warned, there's a lot of somewhat disturbing content in this book, but it paints a very different picture of modern vampires.  And the story of the friendship between Steve and Ghost, the two members of the titular band, is more amazing than any blood drinking that goes on.

My personal pick:
Something Wicked this Way Comes by Ray Bradbury


If you haven't read this book, I suggest you do so.  Two boys sneak out to a sinister side show and watch as everything in their normally dusty and peaceful town becomes horrifying.  The circus setting is amazingly creepy and the entire novel is delightfully spine tingling.  The title comes from a quote by Shakespeare's MacBeth: By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.

Because I'll never hear the end of it if I don't include it:
Twilight by Stephanie Meyer


Your everyday story of normal-but-really-amazingly-special girl meets dickish-but-totally-hot guy who ends up being a vampire.  Her tendency towards complete stupidity combined with him being the sort of guy who needs a good swift kick in the nuts somehow combines to tell a story of true love at the ripe age of 17.  Can you tell I dislike this book to a high degree?

Think you can do better than any of these?  Then I suggest you join me in my yearly torture of Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month).  30 days to write 50,000 of a novel.  There's no prize other than knowing you've finished.  Come on, it can't hurt anything.  Other than your pride.  And your brain.  And possibly your wrists...that's a lot of typing.

So, apparently, a school in New York has banned students from carrying bags of all kinds.  When it was brought to the school's attention that this caused a problem for female students during their "special womanhood time" once a month, they came up with an asinine and absolutely embarrassing policy to compensate.  Girls can carry bags while they are receiving a visit from their Aunt Flo, but at  no other time.  Meaning, if you're a girl carrying a bag, you're broadcasting loud and clear OH HAI GUYZ, BLEEDIN FROM MY CROTCH!

This calls for a macro:



This blog does a much better write up of the situation, but I just wanted to take a chance to applaud the students of that school, both male and female, for protesting this bullshit situation.  Rebellion has, in many ways, become passe in our current environment.  Speaking out against unfair policies has been frowned upon in recent years, to say the VERY least.  So for an entire group of young students to stand up for themselves and their right to privacy, this is huge.




Also, might I throw out a suggestion to the school?  Limit the size of purse that girls can carry.  Trust me, it's hard to fit an AK-47 in a clutch.  I've tried.

What are you opinions about policies like this in schools?  Have you or did you ever face a similar situation?  What does this really say about the paranoia of modern America?

Tell me who wins!

Ah, those magical days when I was just out of college and finding myself.

By which I mean, finding myself flat broke and unemployable with a degree in English.  Keep in mind, kids, that myth about "it doesn't matter what you have a degree in, so long as you have a degree?"  Yeah, total myth.

So I find myself at 23 with a BA and working part time at Best Buy to pay my rent.  Granted, I did learn a number of important lessons during my time there.   Most of them revolving around specs for the X-Box 360 and release dates for various games.  But some of those lessons were lessons in LIFE.  Life, my dear readers, and LOVE.

For you see, sometimes you want to cut ties from you significant other, but you want to do it in such a way that you maintain a seemingly friendly relationship.  This in many ways is like when you are working retail, and need to express something to a customer in such a way that will not turn them off from you and your store, but will make you seem very "professional" and allude to the idea that you are doing this entirely for THEIR sake.

So, I present to you, a Former Best Buy Employee's Guide to Break Up Lines:

So how many of you have seen a bad movie lately?  Something that you honestly just thought sucked.  No need to blame the writers or the directors or the way the movie was merchandised, nope.  Not at all.  Warner Brothers has the answer: you probably hated it because there was a female in the leading role.

Not to worry, though.  Jeff Robinov has declared that Warner Brothers will no longer be doing movies with a female lead.

Can I stand here and ask WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?

Look, the shittiness of a movie in no way depends on the gender of the leading character, no matter what the gender is.  A movie is not going to fail or succeed depending on whether it's a male or a female taking charge and saving the day.  The Bourne trilogy had a male lead, the Resident Evil trilogy focused on strong female leads, and both have performed well enough to actually BE trilogies.  On the flip side, Catwoman and Slither (starring Nathan Fillion of Firefly fame) both failed pretty hard.

Movies might not do well based on the strength of the actor or actress in the lead, but that doesn't have shit to do with what sort of plumbing that person has.  It has to do with acting skill and appropriateness for the role.  The success and failure of a movie also depends on the cinematography, the script, the editing, the marketing and the time of release.  Also, please note that neither of the movies being cited in the above article (Jodie Foster's The Brave One and Nicole Kidman's Invasion) have been released on DVD as of yet.  In a market increasingly dependent on DVD sales and rentals this isn't something you can discount easily.  Also, consider that both of these films were heavily hyped, possibly OVER hyped, and that can kill a film just as much as not marketing it at all.

But no, of course, it's very easy to point a finger and scream it's got everything to do with gender and nothing to do with a failure of the film industry to connect with its current audience.  Here's an idea: if you want people to go see your movies MAKE BETTER MOVIES.  Hell, if you need script ideas I've got about three million of them.

Oh, wait, sorry.  Most of them have female leads.  Nevermind, you wouldn't want them.

Vampires who are neither William Beckett nor Pete Wentz:

After 44 responses to the poll, the score is at:

Vamps: 86%
Wolves: 14%

So it looks like right now the werewolves are getting smacked on the nose with a newspaper.

This week we learned a lot about Elves and why they are not included in the poll. We also  learned that the owner of the Chinese company that made the toys with all the lead in them killed himself.  So...um...good for him?

Some of my favorite comments from this past week:

There are some very scary movies out there.  Really.  Granted, everyone has a different opinion of what they find scary, but pretty much everyone can find something that creeps them out.

I'm a fan of psychological horror.  The Others starring Nicole Kidman scared the ever living fuck out of me.  However, show me things like Hostel and I will tell you that it doesn't count as horror...it's a totally different genre I like to call "tits and gore."  When I worked at Best Buy I actually lobbied to have a Tits and Gore section added so that I could better direct people.

"You got any scary movies?"
"Okay, sorry to quote Scream at you, but what's your favorite scary movie?"
"Saw II, man that was FREAKY!"
"...okay, Tits and Gore section is right over here.  Have a nice day."

(Please note, I at one point overheard a conversation where two people agreed that the Saw franchise had to be based on a true story because there was "no way any director can come up with that shit.  Man, Jigsaw makes you kill yourself!")

But then there are some movies that aren't scary, they're just bad.  And they become so bad they're actually watchable if you define them as comedy.  I'm talking movies like Plan 9 from Outer Space.  Stuff so horribly bad and obviously meant to be serious that you find yourself laughing instead of screaming.

So, I present to you my 5 favorite "Laughably Bad Horror Movies"

Please note: this is not a comprehensive "Top 5" list.  This is my favorite movies, the ones I that I will voluntarily watch when I need something bad.  Your opinions can and probably will differ and I invite you to share your favorites with me.

5. Snow White: A Tale of Terror: A fairy tale retelling meant to put the Grimm back in the brothers Grimm.  Unfortunately, bad cinematography and laughable acting make this movie a comedy of errors.  Bonus points of a scene featuring Signorey Weaver dragging Sam Neil through the halls of a castle by his broken leg as he says, more confused than afraid, "Darling, what are you doing?"


4. Final Destination 3: I actually enjoyed the first movie if only for the scene where a girl gets hit by a bus from nowhere.  The second one was just plain bad, and left me and several friends arguing about the logistics of being decapitated by an elevator (my argument: the head would not severe that cleanly.  You'd probably get at least some spinal chord hanging from the head or neck areas).  But the third one contains the line "Fuck you, Ben Franklin" as well as a death scene were a severed torso flips the main characters the bird.  So horribly bad (and okay, I'll admit, it put me off of rollercoasters for awhile).


3. The Craft: When teenage girls play with witchcraft, everything goes to hell.  Especially Fairuzia Balik's hairstyle.  What's scarier: a horribly portrayed attempted rape scene, a girl throwing a guy out a window using just the power of her crazed screaming of "HE'S SORRY!" or Neve Campbell's entire career?  Your call, people.  Your call.


2. Dracula 2000: Gerard Butler feeds on Vitamin C while Jonny Lee Miller wonders if he peaked with Trainspotting.  Omar Epps is pissed that Wesley Snipes decided to be in the sequels to Blade meaning that his typical job as The Fill in Wesley Snipes wasn't open.  7 of 9 tries to have a career outside of Star Trek.  And the guy who played Hyde on That 70's Show becomes nothing more than a tasty treat.  See kids, that's what happens when you believe in Scientology.


1. Cursed: This should sum up my feelings on that movie pretty nicely.

"And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been one of the dark places of the  earth."
-Conrad, Heart of Darkness

Something that starts as a tiny little light can be passed on until it becomes a beacon to the world.

Let me be the first to say I'm all about Elvish rights.  I'm a firm support of the Sylvan Inclusion Act of 1856, and I am the first to bitch slap anyone who wears a "Points are for arrows, not for ears!" button.

But they couldn't be included in the Fangs v. Fur poll.

Why, you ask?  Because that would be disrespecting the Elven Oath of Neutrality on this matter.

Somewhere around 1088, a delegation gathered and voted that, as a result of the great loss of lives, elves and most tribes of faeries would remain neutral in the matter of vampires versus werewolves and would have only interfere in the werewolves versus witches battle should one of their own be placed in danger (the interbreeding of witch and faery being somewhat common in those days.  It's a custom that MOSTLY died out somewhere around 1790).

And I respect the elves.  Respect them deeply.  For all I know there's elven blood in my past, can't be totally sure.  I admire their contributions to society and all that.

So they are not an option in the poll.  I apologize to those of you I have offended.

Except for the Prince of Mirkwood.  Little fucker never returns my calls.

Britney Spears has been ordered to give up custody of her children effective noon on Wednesday.

Well, Bit Bit, this is how long you have left to come up with another wacky scheme!

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Poll is now open!  Go vote!  And stay tuned here for month long updates!